Healing
“True life is lived when tiny changes occur.” –Leo Tolstoy
I could try to describe the Found rehearsal process here but instead I’m going to talk a little bit about me
and my feelings and how this process has changed me and my feelings.
I moved back to Philadelphia from Los Angeles a few months ago and the transition has been more
difficult than I anticipated. I have no regrets about the decision to move back, but I was unprepared for the degree of LA homesickness that has followed me around since landing in Philly. There is also the ever-present feeling of “What am I doing? What am I doing with my life?” I was eager to do something creative to fill the void and I’m so grateful that I was able to join Found for their spring show as soon as I got back. I was nervous that I had lost my creative mojo somewhere out West but this process has indeed revived my love of ensemble theater work. It also made this melancholy winter much more enjoyable and fulfilling.
I love to create, but what I really show up for is the experience of being around other performers. The
ebb and flow of emotions in the rehearsal space is always present for me. Sometimes whatever we are
doing causes some sadness to float up to the top of my brain, and sometimes the belly-aching laughter
that erupts from the group brings me such sweet and simple joy that I could break down and cry. Both
are satisfying in their own ways and both reveal that I am literally on the brink of crying at all times.
I have to thank this particular group of artists for sharing their souls, their kindness and understanding
with me every day. I've been in groups that are not so solidly supportive. In fact, this is by far the safest
and most nurturing working space I've ever been in. I have great respect for the other performers,
directors and designers. I feel lucky to be in a room with them. I say all this not to butter anyone up or
put on any false pretenses about how perfect everything is, but just to try to explain why working on
this project has saved me. Not all at once, not dramatically, but in little increments of happiness. I hope
the comradery and generosity of this group can affect the audience in equally positive ways.
There is a moment each night after rehearsal when I find myself walking down the steps of the train
station to get back home and I’m often thinking about the work we did that night. I think about how this
group of actors shared a piece of themselves. I think about how after seeing or hearing each person’s
creative proposal, I can feel my view of the world expanding. I go over the details of the rehearsal in my
mind and I feel I am alive. I feel that I am a part of something. In this big, often cold and overwhelming
world, it's nice to feel that you belong once in a while. That feeling helps me get out of bed each day and
it reminds me of the healing power of being around good, hardworking people who want to change the
world for the better. I’m talking about good people; good in every sense of the word. I'm glad to know
so many truly good people. Thanks for helping me find my place.
