Full of Fear
We have been rehearsing now for a couple of weeks, and all is going smoothly. Well, kind of. My body hurts, I'm sweating more than last year [if that's possible], and I'm constantly freaking myself out thinking of all the terrible ways the world could end. But I couldn't be happier with the way things are going. I feel as though our company is stronger than ever; we breathe in sync, move in sync, sing in sync, etcetera etcetera. I also feel as though working with the kind of material we are, we can't help but get closer. Because I'll tell you what, there is some scary stuff in the world. Some really really really scary stuff that most people on a day to day basis would NEVER think about. This show is particularly challenging for me because to put it simply, I DO NOT WANT TO DIE! Not until I've lived a long and accomplished life at least. The end of the world honestly terrifies me. Before we came up with the concept of this show, I did think about the end - not very much, because quite frankly I just didn't want to. Now I have and know more information on it than any human should. I feel like my brain is going to explode because I am learning so much...not just about the end, but diseases, nuclear weapons, natural disasters, technology, suicide cults. You name it, we're talking about it. The MOST important thing in my life is family, which also includes my friends and my cat. The thought of not being with them if something were to destroy our planet is enough to make me want to cry. Not being able to say goodbye, or hug and kiss my parents and siblings ever again, or see my friends settling down and doing big things, I cannot bear the thought. As hard as it is for me to stay positive [and to not run away, hide and cry] I am beginning to appreciate everything that I have so much more. I want to do everything I possibly can to enjoy the precious time we have been given. Since we don't actually know when our world will end, I think that's all we can really do!